When I decided I wanted to be thinner, I wanted to be thinner right away.
When I recovered and decided I wanted to be strong and have incredible muscles, I wanted those muscles to appear overnight.
With a black and white mindset comes the need to change instantly.
We always want to be something we aren’t, or have something we don’t.
And we want it to happen yesterday.
Every day, I just want to love myself.
I didn’t want to put in the work; I just wanted to “be thin” and have all of my problems disappear.
Because that’s rational.
And I didn’t want to put in the work for gaining muscle (AKA eating in a calorie surplus) – I just wanted to BE stronger.
As easy as it is to say “you can’t change the situation, but you can change your mindset”, that doesn’t happen with a thought – you have to be willing to put in the work.
Self love isn’t instantaneous.
It’s looking at yourself in the mirror every day until you start to appreciate what God gave you.
It’s eating when you’re not sure you’re hungry because you know your body needs it, until you can intuitively make that decision.
It’s going to the gym when you don’t feel “muscular enough” because that’s how you GET THERE.
And it’s getting out of bed every day deciding that you’re going to FIGHT for acceptance of yourself and your body; that you’re going to wrestle with and conquer those voices telling you it’s impossible.
You don’t just decide to recover and love yourself; you have to wake up and make that decision over and over every. single. day.
But pretty soon, you will look in the mirror without wondering why you were the only person in the world given fat cells (you weren’t – fat acts as a layer of support to protect your vital organs; it serves a purpose).
You won’t stare at the clock, wondering if it’s too early to eat, or if you should wait until lunch because “intermittent fasting” has become some strange thing people are obsessing over (gross)
And you will go to the gym when you want to, and stay home when you don’t; because either option is okay, and neither is incorrect, or makes you any less worthy.
It’s easy to find things you want to change about yourself; we never go out comparing positives to others (“wow that person is just as kind as I am”).
Because it’s easier to go out and say “she’s prettier than I am” or “he has more muscle definition that I do” because 1 – it’s all relative and 2 – just because someone is pretty or has great muscle definition doesn’t mean you DON’T.
More than one person can be beautiful.
Even more – everyone can be beautiful.
And everyone is.
We just need to drill that into our mind, and know that it’s okay to let go of thoughts that do not make you strong, and of people that do not make you want to recover.
It’s okay to love yourself; it’s a worthwhile investment of your time.